George,
"MY PARENTS RAISED ME AS AN ONLY CHILD, WHICH REALLY ANNOYED MY YOUNGER BROTHER."
I'm 21 months older than my brother...but while we were raised in the same household, our interests are as different as night and day.
Did that joke make you grimace or recoil in horror? Or did you laugh
out loud even though you know you probably shouldn't have? If so, then
it was probably a horrific joke that some would categorize as "dark humor"—and it's not for everyone, obviously. But if twisted and macabre dark jokes make you giggle, it could be a sign that you're smarter than the average person.
Some folks don't even care for pun humor (play on words). When the girdle
was first invented, the woman trying it on was asked if it fit properly. She replied "Of corset does"...or am I skirting the real issue here?? <G>
It's true, and it's been proven by science. A 2017 study by Austrian neurologists published in Cognitive Processing found that people who appreciate dark jokes, which they define as "humor that treats sinister subjects like death, disease, deformity, handicap, or warfare with
bitter amusement," may actually have higher IQs than those who don't.
I wonder if that could apply to punny humor, as noted above.
What's more, they're less negative and aggressive than people who
strictly prefer G-rated family-friendly jokes. Why? Because if you can
see the humor in even the bleakest parts of life, and you can laugh at truly dark jokes, you're less likely to take the world too seriously.
If you can laugh at yourself, then I'd think you have a higher IQ, and possibly a higher self esteem...although the latter could be dependent on
the situation at hand.
1. My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get
off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljnm,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf
That's gonna leave a mark. :P
2. I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset. Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor.
You do have a PhD. Piled Higher And Deeper. By the way, that diagnosis
just cost you $250. <G>
3. As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way.
Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
I guess the Little Bo Peep Tour Service wasn't the right name, either; because all the people on the tour went to sheep and went on the lamb.
4. The doctor gave me some cream for my skin rash. He said I was a
sight for psoriasis.
Those yeast infections happen even if you're allergic to bread.
5. A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking
tree. "You can't cut me down," the tree complains. "I'm a talking
tree!" The man responds, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."
Who got stumped in the conversation??
6. When my uncle Frank died, he wanted his remains to be buried
in his favorite beer mug. His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.
Boris needs to get his Karl Off of things.
7. My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working."
I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door, and
it's working fine!
I'm on a light seafood diet. As soon as it's light, and I see food, I
start eating. Besides, if they didn't want us to have a midnight snack,
why did they put lights in the refrigerator and freezer??
8. They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Well, not if it's poisoned. Then the antidote becomes the most important.
Breaking your fast could break you faster.
9. "What's your name, son?" The principal asked his student. The kid replied, "D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir." "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, "No sir, my dad has a stutter
but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk."
Say that 3 times fast.
10. When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them
on dates.
Maybe they are both real cut-ups.
11. I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy.
He must have an oversupply of blood, or he doesn't bleed that much. Or
he could be a true bloodhound...he'll bleed on command. :P
12. What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
So are concrete blocks.
13. Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens? When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach."
A classical gas is a Mozart Fart.
14. Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
A hot time in the old town tonight. Sounds like the couple who grabbed the Vicks Vapor Rub instead of the Astroglide. :P
15. My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not
want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact
details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Never have children...only grandchildren.
16. Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face. For instance, when you push them down the stairs.
They were a real pushover.
17. I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
If two's company and three's a crowd, then four and five are nine.
18. I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day. It
was impossible to put down.
Especially if he holds his leg up for a long period of time.
19. The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
Not the way to solvent a problem.
20. Never break someone's heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
The backbone connected to the front bone...
21. I'll never forget my Granddad's last words to me just before he
died. "Are you still holding the ladder?"
I want to die like my grandfather did...asleep. Not like the people in
his car that were screaming.
22. It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Monkeying around is more fun if you've gone bananas. <G>
23. What's the difference between jelly and jam? You can't jelly a
clown into the tiny car.
Just remove the peanut butter.
24. "I work with animals," the guy says to his date. "That's so
sweet," she replies. "I love a man who cares about animals. Where do
you work?" "I'm a butcher," he says.
A woman was looking to buy sections of chicken to cook up, but there was
no meat in the display case in the store. She particularly wanted the
breasts, as there's more meat on them. Well, she called the manager, and
he told her to continue shopping while he checked things out. The items
were ready in the back, but didn't have the prices on them. So, the manager took care of that, and put the items in the display case.
The woman was nowhere to be found, so the manager got on the stores
public address system, and said "Will the woman looking for bigger
breasts meet the manager at the back of the store??" <G>
25. Why was the leper hockey game canceled? There was a face off in the corner.
I nose you didn't see that coming.
Daryl
... If you think everything's OK, you've overlooked something.
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