• Rapunzel In A Tiff

    From Daryl Stout@1:19/33 to All on Sat Sep 19 00:06:44 2020
    The ""Puniest of Show" winner at the 23rd Annual O. Henry Punoff May 7th
    in Austin was a runaway for Tiffany Wimberley who scored 38 points (out
    of 40 possible) 2nd and 3rd places received 34 and 32 points respectively.

    Here is Tiff's winning routine:

    Fair Ladies and Noble Gentlemen

    I, RaPUNzel, have a HAIR-raising tale to SHEAR with you written by the Brothers TRIMM. When I was a young CURL, a jealous queen LOCKed me in a
    tower. I was STRANDed at my SPLITS END truly a damsel in THESE
    TRESSES! The queen thought it was a PERMANENT SOLUTION but, day after
    day, knight after knight would try to climb the tower which was so tall
    the FOLLICLE you! They would climb my braid and if they weren't that
    handsome I would give them the BRUSH off! Gee, I wonder if that's where I
    got my reputation for being such a big TEASE. One day, a handsome
    knight named Prince Latherrinse tried to rescue me. He was HEAD &
    SHOULDERS above the rest. I said: "COMB and SHAVE me!" The queen
    found out about it and cut off my hair. And let me tell you Hell hath no
    fury as a woman SHORNED! She'll have Hell TOUPEE because I am not
    someone to TANGLE with. Prince Latherrinse WISPed me away and we got
    married and had twins but, we didn't live happily ever after because he
    placed too many CONDITIONERS on our marriage which was really CRIMPING
    my STYLE. So, we PARTED ways and a custody battle ensued. It came down
    to SPLITTING HAIRS (heirs) so he took one twin and I took the other.
    So, now I don't date princes anymore because I don't want a LATHER RINSE
    REPEAT (read the shampoo label). And I've gotten back to my ROOTS by
    changing my hair from blonde to brown and this new color is to DYE for
    after all, brunettes have more pun. Well, that's the long and short of
    my HAIRY tale story. I bid you all a 'DO!

    Tiff




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    Date: Wed, 10 May 2000 20:12:44 -0700
    Reply-To: Tony_Puns@egroups.com
    Subject: [Tony_Puns] RaPUNzel
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  • From Daryl Stout@1:19/33 to All on Thu Aug 19 00:04:04 2021
    The "Puniest of Show" winner at the 23rd Annual O. Henry Punoff May 7th
    in Austin was a runaway for Tiffany Wimberley who scored 38 points (out
    of 40 possible) 2nd and 3rd places received 34 and 32 points respectively.

    Here is Tiff's winning routine:

    Fair Ladies and Noble Gentlemen

    I, RaPUNzel, have a HAIR-raising tale to SHEAR with you written by the Brothers TRIMM. When I was a young CURL, a jealous queen LOCKed me in a
    tower. I was STRANDed at my SPLITS END truly a damsel in THESE
    TRESSES! The queen thought it was a PERMANENT SOLUTION but, day after
    day, knight after knight would try to climb the tower which was so tall
    the FOLLICLE you! They would climb my braid and if they weren't that
    handsome I would give them the BRUSH off! Gee, I wonder if that's where I
    got my reputation for being such a big TEASE. One day, a handsome
    knight named Prince Latherrinse tried to rescue me. He was HEAD &
    SHOULDERS above the rest. I said: "COMB and SHAVE me!" The queen
    found out about it and cut off my hair. And let me tell you Hell hath no
    fury as a woman SHORNED! She'll have Hell TOUPEE because I am not
    someone to TANGLE with. Prince Latherrinse WISPed me away and we got
    married and had twins but, we didn't live happily ever after because he
    placed too many CONDITIONERS on our marriage which was really CRIMPING
    my STYLE. So, we PARTED ways and a custody battle ensued. It came down
    to SPLITTING HAIRS (heirs) so he took one twin and I took the other.
    So, now I don't date princes anymore because I don't want a LATHER RINSE
    REPEAT (read the shampoo label). And I've gotten back to my ROOTS by
    changing my hair from blonde to brown and this new color is to DYE for
    after all, brunettes have more pun. Well, that's the long and short of
    my HAIRY tale story. I bid you all a 'DO!

    Tiff
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  • From George Pope@1:153/757.2 to Daryl Stout on Sun Aug 22 07:16:14 2021
    The "Puniest of Show" winner at the 23rd Annual O. Henry Punoff May 7th
    in Austin was a runaway for Tiffany Wimberley who scored 38 points (out
    of 40 possible) 2nd and 3rd places received 34 and 32 points respectively.

    Here is Tiff's winning routine:

    Fair Ladies and Noble Gentlemen

    I, RaPUNzel, have a HAIR-raising tale to SHEAR with you written by the Brothers TRIMM. When I was a young CURL, a jealous queen LOCKed me in a tower.

    I liked that; I also like this one:

    he Pea Little Thrigs
    by Mark Fitzsimmons
    Once there was a mig bomma sow who lived with her pee little thriglets on a
    big fog harm. They lived a line fife slopping with gorge and wallowing in the pud muddle and all, until one night when the sig pow took the pee little
    thrigs aside for a tearious salk. "Oink," she wide, creeping. "Oink, oink oink!" (Or, to verbaphrase her porridge, "Boys, you header bed for the yorest fonder before harmer Fank bakes macon!")

    So a few dours before haybreak, the pee little thrigs set out to fake their mortune in the feep dorest. Now the lirst fiddle pig's name was Joe. Poe jig said, "I'm gonna build me a haw strouse," and he began strickin' up paw. The second piddle lig's name was Luke, and Puke lig said, "I'm gonna build me a hick stouse," and he began stickin' up pigs. Now the lird piddle thig's name was Dave. He was a mite barter than his smothers, earning him the name pigtickle prack. Pave dig said, "I'm gonna build me a hone and storter
    mouse," and he began erecting clocks.

    Now I won't same to clay that streaving waw or sighing ticks is easy 'cause
    it tain't rue, but it sell of a hot limper than stortaring moans, and by the time Pave dig had the fox riled for his pyreplace, the other poo tigs were
    bun dildin' and tootin' for ruffles. "Look at pigtickle prack," the pool
    crigs laughed, "pettin' like a swig over his stig bones." But pigtickle prack had seen tolf wacks that day, and he wept kurking.

    Eventually the hone stouse was done, and all bree throthers had dwellable livings. Pave dig never did tell the other poo tigs about the tolf wracks, so Poe jig was shighty mocked to wake up to the sounds of a walivatin' soof.

    "Piddle lig, piddle lig, ket me lum in!"

    "Not by the chuzz on my finny fin fin!"

    "Then I'll larf and I'll barf and I'll hoe your blouse down!"

    So the wolf larfed and he barfed and he hew the blouse down, whereupon Poe
    jig run off to Puke lig's house and broke his wother. That wungry holf was right behind. "Piddle ligs, piddle ligs, I wants two pat figs, I does!"

    "Not by the muzz on my fuzzly fuzzle fuzz!" said Puke lig.

    "Then I'll larf and I'll barf and I'll hoe your blouse down!"

    So the wolf larfed and he barfed and he hew the blouse down. Loe and Juke freely reeked and run off to the hock rouse and dolted the bore. The wungry holf got there quite rick, but not nasty fuff.

    "Piddle ligs, piddle ligs, undolt the bore!"

    "Not by the mollicles on my fandible!" said Pave dig (who never missed a
    chance to use a wig bird).

    "Then I'll larf and I'll barf and I'll hoe your blouse down!"

    Pave dig just smiled and said, "Woe blay!"

    So the wolf larfed and he barfed and he larfed and he barfed, till he was foo in the blace, with no effectable notice on the stock ructure. The wig bad
    bolf sat down to cogitate on this uneventful prediction, when he noticed the choking smimney. Not bein' a very wart smolf, he chimed the climney and
    dropped tail first into a boiling stot of poo.

    That wolf earned his bass and just about everything else that day, since Pave dig clammed the slover on the poo stot, leaving the other poo tigs mealing in squirthful reverie. Pave dig turned to his overweight brothers and said,
    "Molf wheat is beaner than leef, and it would bepig you hooves to conduce
    your resumption of faturated sats." The very next day they started a diet of vegetabically grown organelles, and they began electing crocks for two new
    hock roams for Lo and Puke jig.

    This storal has two morys: First, of course, induce your retake of atty
    facets. Secondly, never ever dime clown chokin' smimneys.

    Your friend,

    <+]:{)}
    Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
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