......... as a public service for all harried sysops, is a
standard disclaimer form, much like the "fine print" at the
bottom of an automobile commercial:

This BBS is an "as-is" service. Neither the sysops, the school
district, the Pope, Rush Limbaugh, or God HIMSELF will be held liable if
the BBS does any of the following: Crashes, shuts down with or without
warning, decides it doesn't like you, smokes profusely, makes that
"chk-chk" noise like a broken washing machine, shoots sparks, causes a
total nuclear holocaust, spins around several times and vomits pea soup,
gives off "Bad Vibes," plays "Daisy" repeatedly, steals your boyfriend/girlfriend, falls in love with and begins humping your floppy
disk drive, or spontaneously combusts.

Do not operate heavy machinery after using this BBS. This BBS may
cause drowsiness, dizziness, heart palpitations, shortness of breath,
angina, temporary blindness, loss of consciousness, seizures, skin
rashes, nausea, vomiting, the involuntary playing of Elvis songs,
bloating, water retention, and/or spontaneous transformation into small woodland forest creatures. We are not responsible for emotional damage resulting from use of this BBS. Repeated and prolonged usage may cause paranoia, confusion, feelings of despair or ebullience, or a "Bad Hair
Day." This BBS contains no user serviceable parts; see licensed
technician before removing cover or striking. No lifeguard on duty.

For children under 12, give half usual dosage. May be habit forming.
No refunds or exchanges. Failure to follow appropriate safety
precautions can and may result in mutilation or death. Contents under
extreme pressure; do not puncture or incinerate this BBS. Void where prohibited. State and local taxes may apply. Avoid contact with eyes or
mucous membranes. Not responsible for demonic possession and/or control
of users.

Read all instructions before using this BBS. This service not
available in all areas. This BBS is not a bank or insured by the FDIC.
If skin rash or other irritation develops, discontinue usage and contact
your physician immediately. Do not use this BBS while bathing. For
EXTERNAL use only. Not responsible for lost or misplaced mail or other
personal items.

Any resemblance to any persons living or dead is purely coincidental.
No warranties are either express, or implied. Do not use this BBS under
the influence of mind-altering drugs and/or alcohol unless those
substances have already kicked in. For best results, time your
medications properly. Not responsible for psychiatric care needed as a
result of using this BBS. In case of accidental ingestion, do not
induce vomiting.

Not responsible for incidental or consequential damages, or for acts
of God. It is illegal in some states to use this BBS while sleeping.
Temporary insanity may result from the use/misuse of this BBS. The
Supreme Court has ruled that using this BBS while performing surgery may
be a violation of Federal Laws and restrictions.

This disclaimer is not valid in Borneo, Outer Mongolia, on any day
ending in "Y" of months which do not end in "R," and within five miles
of the lower Volga River. Void where applicable by law. Do not fold,
spindle or mutilate. Try not to step on the cracks. Avoid overdusting.
DO NOT IMMERSE IN WATER!
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)

Re: New BBS Disclaimer
By: Daryl Stout to All on Thu Nov 04 2021 12:04 am

You forgot "even if it accesses your bank and moves your entire balance off-shore 'somewhere'; this nly happens, t ops, TOPS, one a week, so not to worry. . . you've paid your insurance rto tyhe sysop, right?
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:2320/33)

George,

You forgot "even if it accesses your bank and moves your entire balance off-shore 'somewhere'; this nly happens, t ops, TOPS, one a week, so
not to worry. . . you've paid your insurance rto tyhe sysop, right?

It took me a minute to figure out your reply...then I looked at the
subject line.

I got very little sleep last night, and had to go to the Emergency
Room at 5am this morning, with severe foot pain (I thought I had
fractured it), and severe rectal spasms (I thought my butt was on
fire).

It turns out I had an attack of gout (I already have arthritis all
through my body), and they gave me some medicine for the spasms. But,
I didn't want a renegade storm to come in while I was gone, so I had
shut the BBS down. When you tried to get in this morning, the system
was trying to run a message base utility, and that's why it said "you
have no time left".

I'm trying to get the system to busy itself out to run the nightly
doorgame maintenance, but it won't do it. So, I have to take the BBS
down manually. I did see an email from digital man (Rob Swindell), the
author of Synchronet, but I haven't gotten to it in the QWK packet yet.
The thing is, during maintenance, accessing an item (message bases,
file areas, or doors), can corrupt things big time.

Daryl

... Effective cure for being a twit -- become a Sysop!!
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:2320/33)

I got very little sleep last night, and had to go to the Emergency
Room at 5am this morning, with severe foot pain (I thought I had
fractured it), and severe rectal spasms (I thought my butt was on
fire).

TMI, my friend!

It turns out I had an attack of gout (I already have arthritis all
through my body), and they gave me some medicine for the spasms. But,

I take medicine usually for gout, as my latest kidney stone type arte uric acid-based. (living too well, thus eating more meat); trying to stick to exactly 4oz servings now (weighed out to 120g); seems to be helping. . .

Quite possibly the thorn in his side Paul talked of -- & how it humbled him (to eat more like the poor, not the rich)

I didn't want a renegade storm to come in while I was gone, so I had
shut the BBS down. When you tried to get in this morning, the system
was trying to run a message base utility, and that's why it said "you
have no time left".

I got that message at 2am, your time & again at 10am your time -- seemed an awful long time to say I'm getting too near 5am?

I'm used to a BBS not allowing users on within 1 hour of an event (mail tossing, maintenance -- both usually done in the middle of the night)

I got to remember: different folks(sysops, BBS OSs, etc.) = different strokes. . . (aka sysop having apoplectic seizures at what the users have tried most recently to annoy him)

I'm trying to get the system to busy itself out to run the nightly
doorgame maintenance, but it won't do it. So, I have to take the BBS
down manually. I did see an email from digital man (Rob Swindell), the
author of Synchronet, but I haven't gotten to it in the QWK packet yet.
The thing is, during maintenance, accessing an item (message bases,
file areas, or doors), can corrupt things big time.
Daryl

Oh, I understand all that -- the timing just seemed odd -- I'd understand if my time was reduced to no closer than an hour before the event, but to abruptly kick me out seemed harsh. . . ;)

I'm glad they were able to quickly assess & diagnose+treat you. . .

Seems it would've been far cheaper to have a housecall doctor come see you instead!

Talk to your insurance if you'd like to avoid hospital runs in the future, for a convenient visit in your home. My company can generally send one for about
$400USD in most major cities (Little Rock qualifies as one); ask your insurance about it & have them contact us for a corporate agreement/discounts: Mega Assistance Services Inc. I think we moved from our previous US HQ in Texas, up into Washgington State. I work out of our head head office, up here in Vancouver, Canada! (But because of the db system I helped design & implement, I can work no matter where in the world I am; I'm happy here in one corner of my bedroom, with coffee & ice water beside me Roll out of bed & a few steps over
& I'm at work, dealing with whatever emergencies are presenting themselves. (usedto be, on night shifts, I'd be woken up to take care of some thing -- what fun! But got paid for my asleep time, so not too bad *LOL*)

One time Chewbacca forgot to release the emergency brake before flying the millennium falcon
It was a wookie mistake

I called up Weight Watchers, told them there was an emergency and asked for them to send someone round!
Turns out theyÆve got tons of them!

Uh oh... Emergency: you brought me the wrong tool... This is not a drill... I repeat, this is not a drill!

For a taco emergency, dial Nine-Juan-Juan.

Pro Tip: If you have a gashed wound, it is cheaper to go to a comedy club than the emergency room.
You just pay the cover charge and they'll have you in stitches.

A chef cut himself and went to the emergency room... The nurses patched him in triage and after a long wait, the doctor called him in. "You'll take about eight stitches and be on your way." The chef replied, "I can tell you're all very busy here, so just hand me the needle and I'll be on my way." The doctor looked by turns insulted, annoyed and dismissive.

"Fine then. Suture self."

I wear a stethoscope so that in a medical emergency... I can teach people a valuable lesson about assumptions.

--- BBBS/Li6 v4.10 Toy-5
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757)

George,

TMI, my friend!

I'm sure I'm not the only person who deals with that on occasion.

I take medicine usually for gout, as my latest kidney stone type arte
uric acid-based. (living too well, thus eating more meat); trying to
stick to exactly 4oz servings now (weighed out to 120g); seems to be helping. . .

Ever since I gave up carbonated beverages, I haven't had a single stone.

I got that message at 2am, your time & again at 10am your time --
seemed an awful long time to say I'm getting too near 5am?

There was a system glitch with the time...and there's another one where
the system won't busy itself out for nightly maintenance at 12 midnight,
so the doors can be processed. So, I have to manually down the nodes, until maintenance is done.

I'm used to a BBS not allowing users on within 1 hour of an event (mail
tossing, maintenance -- both usually done in the middle of the night).

The 2 main events are the nightly maintenance (just after 12 midnight local time), and a message base utility (at 5am local time). Otherwise, if there aren't any storms, or power/internet outages, the BBS is up full time. I saw where apparently Janis Kracht (who has done a ton of stuff in FIDONet over
the years) is having to shut her system down. People that were using her for
a FIDONet Echomail hub, are having to scramble to find a replacement network connection.

Oh, I understand all that -- the timing just seemed odd -- I'd
understand if my time was reduced to no closer than an hour before the event, but to abruptly kick me out seemed harsh. . . ;)

Well, as noted, there is a glitch there, and I never did hear back from digital man on the nightly maintenance deal...although the system said I
had a message from him in a certain area, but I never could find it.

Seems it would've been far cheaper to have a housecall doctor come see
you instead!

Very few physicians, nurses, do house calls anymore.

Talk to your insurance if you'd like to avoid hospital runs in the
future, for a convenient visit in your home. My company can generally send one for about $400USD in most major cities (Little Rock qualifies

Well, while I don't mind going to the doctor, I'd rather not go if I
don't have to. However, I've gotten so when I go into the clinic or to
my pharmacy, I go into my Ray Stevens impersonation of the old geezer
who said "It's Me Again, Margaret". <G> On a sad note, I saw where his
wife is apparently near death, and he is obviously devastated right now.
So, he has cancelled his shows for the time being, until things stabilize,
and after she's gone.

I called up Weight Watchers, told them there was an emergency and asked for them to send someone round! Turns out theyÆve got tons of them!

A balanced diet -- balanced in the belly and in the buttocks. <G>

Uh oh... Emergency: you brought me the wrong tool... This is not a drill... I repeat, this is not a drill!

Those are the 5 most feared words of an emergency communications
operator. That was also what was sent right after the Japanese bombed
Pearl Harbor just over 80 years ago.

For a taco emergency, dial Nine-Juan-Juan.

When you've Don Juan, you've Don 'em all. <G>

Pro Tip: If you have a gashed wound, it is cheaper to go to a comedy
club than the emergency room. You just pay the cover charge and
they'll have you in stitches.

The comedy can bleed you dry...because you peed on yourself.

"Fine then. Suture self."

He had to tourniqet when the old qet went the wrong way.

I wear a stethoscope so that in a medical emergency... I can teach
people a valuable lesson about assumptions.

Never assume...besides, "OOPS!!" is NOT a valid response.

Daryl

... Truer words were never spoken; except in a courtroom.
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:2320/33)

George,

I cut them out long ago! I only drank them when I was doing 12-hour
shift work, as one rapidly drunk Coke did more to wake me up than the
speed with which I could ingest caffeine via coffee.

Since I cut out the soda and the caffeine, I haven't had kidney stones,
and my heart rate has stabilized. Those "energy drinks" are worse than caffeine.

Yup; I don't drink any of that {congress} any more! I never got into energy drinks, as I'm intolerant to the artificial hormone they often include.

"Feces occurs" is a maxim in every field.

I said that to a co-worker one day years ago...and she looked at me with
the deer in the headlights look. When I translated it, she roared with laughter, and said "I'm going to tell my sister!!". The next morning, she came in, and I asked her if she had told her sister. Grinning wildly, she said "yes", and when I asked "same reaction?", she said "yes". <G>

Sheltered upbringing? It's suchj an eleganbt way to convey the sentiment, I figure.

I've found a housecall doctor or two in every city with an
intewrnational airport in the USA. I believe LR has such?

Not that I know. I did have a nurse from my HMO come by for a physical
exam and interview this past September.

Iof you have anextraordinary difficulty in coming in to the office, most primary care physicians will drop by to see their own patients, if cajoled well. My company has hundreds of doctors available in our network all over the world, who exclusively do housecalls for us, when we dispatch them.

One of our guys even spent a full 16-hour day with our client, to ensure he got the proper exams to clear him to fly home (to Europe) that night. We paid him a big chunk more than the $400 he charges us for a housecall I think we, on our own offer, gave him triple that.

The 3 Bs of Feminine Beauty: Boobs, Belly, & Butt (or is that 4?)

Beauty is skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone. <G>

Some ofd those bone-ugly womemn can fake an outweard beauty thar gets tor attention briefly, but wears off in minutes, after she begins to speak.

Thus the proverb: Marry in haste--repent in leisure

Incontinence on both sides is a bear. Ever since I quit drinking soda
or carbonated beverages, I haven't had a single stone.

I quiot, but I still get near constant attacks of kidney stones. Haven't gone to the hospital for one in a long time, though.

When I get one bigger than t he requisite 8mm, I set up the surgery for it, & go in just for that -- no more 3am ambulance trips for something so prosaic as "yet another" kidney stone.

Or the guy who wakes up in the morgue, and wonders "If I'm alive, what am
I doing here?? And, if I'm dead, how come I have to go to the bathroom??".

That would be annoying. Maybe he's a vamp[ire. One series of novels I've read began with the heroine (Betsy) waking up in the morgue, & being PO'ed because she realized she was dead & that her M-i-L had stolen her expensive shoes, & let her wearing K-Mart specials instead!

Police are looking for a man selling marijuana to birds. Eyewitnesses
report he left no tern unstoned.

Nice spoonerism pun.

A favorite category of mine,. if they're new & funny.

... Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance??

I've been saying that for years! Then go ahead & work hard anyway!

Boss, over intercom to lazing secretary: Can I see you in my office She: No; you've got no windows in your office.

According to a recent study, itÆs really hard for women to work for the Postal Service.
ItÆs a mail dominated industry.

Carpentry is hard work
That's why i get hammered after work

My wife had a hard day at work, so I drew her a warm bath... She didn't really seem to appreciate the sketch but it went on the fridge anyway...

Making mayonnaise is hard work.
Some would even call it egg-sauce-ting

Trimming hedges is hard work.
You must take it sheariously.

Would a job at a Viagra factory be considered hard work?

--- BBBS/Li6 v4.10 Toy-5
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757)