Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.
Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.
Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.
It's worked for umpteen millennia, but now they want to switch it up; a possibly(probably) true Los Angeles story:
A: I heard you just had a baby?
B: Yes.
A: Is it a boy or a girl?
B: How should I know? It's not old enough to TELL me yet!
I used to tell people, "I hope to have three kids -- one of each." &
let THEM figure it out!
Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
When you change a girl, t here may be some addtoinal dribble onto the
new diaper. When you change a boy, you have a little laser dot on your forehead. . . target acquired, FIIIIRRE!!!!
Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.
This is the new normal. HAH! Kids are your punishment for enjoying sex!
In the first few months of my wife's pregnancy she wasn't showing
The baby was inapparent
Bought a home pregnancy test.
Turns out, my house is pregnant.
I got my wife 4 pregnancy tests and they all came back positive
She’s now worried about how we are going to raise 4 kids.
"It's time we discussed the elephant in the womb".
My wife's pregnany lasted so long it seemed like a maternity.
You have reached the pregnancy hotline...
If you'd like to speak to a physician, dial 1... if you are currently
in labor, dial 8...
Last night while discussing our options and what could possibly happen,
my girlfriend said "I have such a gut feeling I'm pregnant" and gave me the slyest look I've ever seen.
Q: What do programmers call an unplanned pregnancy?
A: Fetal error.
I have felt heavily invested in my wife’s pregnancy ever since she
first told me.
After all, I provided the seed money.
Q: What happens after pregnancy?
A: gnancy
True story: I worked at a Crisis Pregnancy counselling centre; While entering in the comment cards, one had in answer to, "What could we do
to improve your experience?": "Maybe some soft lighting & music."
I asked my sister how her pregnancy is going. My dad interrupts,
"Swell!"
A Girl takes a Pregnancy Test, then looks her Boyfriend dead in the
eyes and says:
Your Kid in Me!
In southern California, if there's no smog, UCLA.
I like it!
If there is fog, UC Berkely? I guess not. . . or snot. . .
If that's not a viable option, press the pound key.
I see a number key or is it an octothorpe?
... I took an IQ test, and the results were negative.
That takes a special kind of person!
There's an easy trick you can use to calculate your IQ
It's 150 minus the number of toilet rolls you bought in March 2000
A band named 1023 MB was very sad, they couldn't get a gig.
My IQ test result just came in and I’m really relieved!
If there is fog, UC Berkely? I guess not. . . or snot. . .
In this case, a sneeze is known as a Booger Holler. <G>
If that's not a viable option, press the pound key.
I see a number key or is it an octothorpe?
Same thing...the tic-tac-toe symbol.
... I took an IQ test, and the results were negative.
That takes a special kind of person!
That's the tagline I sent, and the late Nancy Backus (I miss her),
said "that explains a lot <g,d,r>". She said afterwards "I hope you
know I was joking", and I said "I got a good laugh out of it".
There's an easy trick you can use to calculate your IQ
It's 150 minus the number of toilet rolls you bought in March 2000
I've slept and [pooped] since then.
A band named 1023 MB was very sad, they couldn't get a gig.
A data late, and a duller short.
My IQ test result just came in and I’m really relieved!
Made you pee all over the floor, eh?? Or, you were so happy, you
could just [poop]??!! <g,d,r>
Akk I want is a bushel of apples & a few hours alone with the doctor's daughter!
That's the tagline I sent, and the late Nancy Backus (I miss her),
said "that explains a lot <g,d,r>". She said afterwards "I hope you
know I was joking", and I said "I got a good laugh out of it".
Of course! Give & take is fun!
But howe many more than you really needed did you buy then?
A band named 1023 MB was very sad, they couldn't get a gig.
A data late, and a duller short.
Or a dullard. . .
My IQ test result just came in and I’m really relieved!
Made you pee all over the floor, eh?? Or, you were so happy, you
could just [poop]??!! <g,d,r>
Either way. . . it's all good now!
I had an aneurysm burst & a stroke that mostly paralyzed my left
side(true story, not funny in itself)), but I'm all right now!
Q: What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
A: Finding half a worm.
Q: What’s a doctor who studies adam’s apples called?
A: A guy-neck-ologist
It’s illegal to sell stocks from inside a bath of sparkling apple juice Because that would be in cider trading
Q: What’s the worst part of having an apple addiction?
A: You can’t see the doctor about it.
Q: What is it called when a Samsung and an Apple mate?
A: A Sample
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows
Everyone knows where the Big Apple is...
But do you know where the Minneapolis?
Apple's new Bluetooth accessory: the iTanic...
....is guaranteed to sync.
George,doctor's
Akk I want is a bushel of apples & a few hours alone with the
daughter!
Never mind taking a turn for the nurse.
I have no clue. I moved out before I got married in 2003. My late
wife referred to toilet paper as "Bun Wad" or BW. <G> So, we'd go
shopping for BW instead of TP. <G>
I had an aneurysm burst & a stroke that mostly paralyzed my left side(true story, not funny in itself)), but I'm all right now!
My Mom's late brother died of an aneurysm.
Q: What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
A: Finding half a worm.
The bird probably ate the first half as an appetizer.
The bones in my neck are so kinked, and the pain is really bothering me...basically a wide area of pinched nerves.
But do you know where the Minneapolis?
In the small drink of Mini Soda.
Never mind taking a turn for the nurse.
BTDT. . . I used use my grabber to pinch nurses' bottoms while roling through the ward. . .
I have no clue. I moved out before I got married in 2003. My late
wife referred to toilet paper as "Bun Wad" or BW. <G> So, we'd go
shopping for BW instead of TP. <G>
Okayyyy. . . the Aussies say Bog Roll. . .
:( Yup, 98% do die - God wasn't/isn't done with me yet, I can only suppose. .
The joke is YOU bit through the worm!
Anything they can do? Have you tried Gabapentin -- it's good for nerve pain - - & doesn't make your thinking fuzzy like opiods. .
Q: what do you call the smaller rivers that run into the nile?
A: the juveniles
Q: Did you know the Mississippi River is a girl?
A: If it was a guy it would be the Misterssippi River.
Rivers are...
the original streaming service.
Q: What're the fastest things on the river bed?
A: A motor-pike with side-carp.
New Book: "Yellow River"
By I.P. Dailey
I’m debating whether I should cross the river on foot or use my
rowboat... It’s row v. wade.
The joke is YOU bit through the worm!
The only good case for that is in the game L.O.R.D. II in searching the condemned cave south of the hag's castle, to find the ancient flute, 35
gold pieces, and the parrot the old hag is looking for. You have to bite into the gloworm to see inside the cave.
nerveAnything they can do? Have you tried Gabapentin -- it's good for
pain - - & doesn't make your thinking fuzzy like opiods. .
No...I'm not much for herbal medicines.
Q: Did you know the Mississippi River is a girl?
A: If it was a guy it would be the Misterssippi River.
Just like hurricanes are female...better than himicanes.
Q: What're the fastest things on the river bed?
A: A motor-pike with side-carp.
Was it a Hardly David's Son??
... Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times, I let her sleep.
George Pope wrote to Daryl Stout <=-
BTDT. . . I used use my grabber to pinch nurses' bottoms while roling through the ward. . .
I'm replaying for nostalgia -- Ui won as Good first, as its easier to
burn off 200 towards getting to -100 than to gain +200 to go from -100
to +100.
Gabapentin is a prescription nerve blocker -- you cannot buy it in any herbsal store legally! (it's controlled drug)
The stor (herstory) is that the himicanes would get lost & not ask for directions. .
Was it a Hardly David's Son??
David rode in a mighty Triumph!
... Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times, I let her sleep.
There was a Family Feud question, "We asked a hundred married men,
which Snow White dwarf would be a good niucjname for your wife?"
Both guys stood still, refusing to buzz in!
I'd've won & not been worried about my wife by buzzing in with,
"SLEEPY, Steve!"
My great-grandpa used to try to lift the nurse's skirts with his cane.
He would have been more successful, but he was 95 and moving slow. And his eyesight wasn't as good as it used to be.
... I was on a roll, till I slipped on the butter.
rolingGeorge Pope wrote to Daryl Stout <=-
BTDT. . . I used use my grabber to pinch nurses' bottoms while
through the ward. . .
My great-grandpa used to try to lift the nurse's skirts with his cane. He would have been more successful, but he was 95 and moving slow. And his eyesight wasn't as good as it used to be.
George,-100
I'm replaying for nostalgia -- Ui won as Good first, as its easier to burn off 200 towards getting to -100 than to gain +200 to go from
yourto +100.
That's true. Although once you get the Gryphon Moon, you can refresh
turns.
anyGabapentin is a prescription nerve blocker -- you cannot buy it in
herbsal store legally! (it's controlled drug)
Yeah, Big Pharma controls who pays what. :P
forThe stor (herstory) is that the himicanes would get lost & not ask
wonder.directions. .
Although with as erratic as both "genders" have done, you have to
Was it a Hardly David's Son??And, the disciples came in one Accord.
David rode in a mighty Triumph!
... Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times, I let her sleep.
There was a Family Feud question, "We asked a hundred married men, which Snow White dwarf would be a good niucjname for your wife?"
Both guys stood still, refusing to buzz in!
No pressure. I'll bet the audience was roaring in laughter.
I'd've won & not been worried about my wife by buzzing in with, "SLEEPY, Steve!"
Or he could do like the late Richard Dawson did...talking about
the critters coming back to San Juan Capistrano, and he did an
imitation of a swallow <GULP!>. :P
Daryl
... S.T.O.P. -- Spin Tires On Pavement.
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)
How do I do it again? I'd forgotten that. . .
I have it.
Not here -- the govt does, ensuring everyone has the meds they need. .
.
I get hundreds of dollars worth of pills every 4 weeks, in bubble
packs, delivered, & I pay $0.00. . . :)
I've had some success influencing policy myself, as a broke-ass cripple living in subsidized housing. . . (it's fun!)
Was it after the first baseball game? ("In the big inning")
Maybe just the two then. . . I'm not sure I could name all 7 "dwarfs" anyway
Do the V)iew option (to see your inventory). Move the navigation bar to it, and press <ENTER> to "rub it". You'll see "You feel the Gryphon Moon comeday.
alive in your hands"...then it asks "Did The Sun Move Back A Bit??". It increases your turns by 500, up to the max amount of turns allowed per
Thankfully, I only have 6 meds I take regularly, and I'm on a fairly
good prescription drug plan. I called this week to schedule 4 long overdue exams....
1) A glaucoma check on June 21.
2) A complete physical and blood work on June 29.
3) Urological blood work on June 29.
4) A Low T Treatment, plus a PSA check with the DRE <bend over, and smile>
crippleI get hundreds of dollars worth of pills every 4 weeks, in bubble packs, delivered, & I pay $0.00. . . :)
I've got so much of 4 of my meds that it's pathetic.
I've had some success influencing policy myself, as a broke-ass
living in subsidized housing. . . (it's fun!)
I used to live in subsized housing, but moved back to what was my late parents place before my Mom's death.
Was it after the first baseball game? ("In the big inning")
The devil was never a good sport about things. :P
Maybe just the two then. . . I'm not sure I could name all 7 "dwarfs" anyway
They only had 5 weasels in Roger Rabbit. <G>
Daryl
... Polaroids: What Eskimos get from sitting on ice too long.
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)
Sysop: | Coz |
---|---|
Location: | Anoka, MN |
Users: | 2 |
Nodes: | 4 (0 / 4) |
Uptime: | 32:19:12 |
Calls: | 141 |
Files: | 5,058 |
Messages: | 220,694 |